i want attention

[Mistress]

actually this is the last thing i want, i want to blend in so i dont get noticed and then maybe i wont get hurt anymore.....im fed up with it happening every day but according to someone im just an attention seeker....

i swear my friends are fed up with me now, im never happy anymore and cant even pretend most of the time

most lucky people can turn to their parents....if i do that i get a slap so cant do that, my best friend now lives 3 hours away from me and has enough problems so doesnt need to talk to me about mine

ive lost the only person ive trully loved but hey that wasnt even real so it doesnt matter and how i feel isnt important anymore because im nothing....mind you why am i surprised by this.....im used to be alone all the time and never having what i want

ive been in this hell for 24 years now and im wondering whats the point....i dont know why i go on when no one seems to care if i wasnt here and i seriously dont either, i always thought i was a good person but i cant be...if i was then none of this would happen

[Lucky Kitten]

the trial of life are very hard sweety, not everyone has support and help with them. but giving in, giving up on everything is not an answer. your friends might have a lot on their plates as well, which is their part in what life throws at them, but friends put it aside and listen even if they cant help you.

i know how you feel, even with bob in my life it, at times, feels very empty and like i am completely alone and having to deal with pure hell at my feet.

i dont know what to tell you that can help you, but i am glad you are here. and i will listen, or read as the case may be.

i know they are just cyber, but i feel for you sweety

[Mistress]

thanks rita.....personally im fed up with how i am now and the person i am and giving up is something ill end up doing

i do feel empty and very alone, there was one person who mattered the most to me but due to circumstances beyond our control we cant be together and its hurting more than i can deal with.....i want to help him but i cant and its useless

i didnt think it was much to ask for one thing to be good but it seems for some people its not allowed

[Lucky Kitten]

all good things come to an end, sadly

then you wade through shit and misery for a while till some lil bit of sunshine pops up to make you smile again right when you thought you had forgotten how.

there is a balance to life, at least that is what i noticed. things get so bad that just a lil something is enough to make you forget the bad for even a moment, that is the balance. the hard part is not letting the bad things kill you so you can beware of the good things.

i am sorry you two cant be together anymore, who knows, things might change, or maybe he wasnt the one, maybe he was the one for those moments you two had. i know its hard to believe, to even think. but its how i manage to get through things in life. see the glimmers of hope through the shit storm.

i dont know if i make any sense, but i know things will get better when the time is right. they always do, they have to.

[Mistress]

it does make sense.....maybe i need to start looking for that ray of sunshine

the hardest part there is it felt so real and so right...and we wont ever know if it could have been good now

things may get better but it seems its getting worse and ive got a bad feeling one more thing could send me screwy

[Lucky Kitten]

it was right sweety, for the time it lasted

now you go on

we all get screwy from time to time especially with what life throws our way. but most of us come out of it and go on, and some of use end up on medications so we can go on, a few dont make it that far sadly.

but you are stronger than you think, otherwise you might not have made it this far. and who knows, you two may cross paths again in the future when things are right again or maybe even more so.

[Mistress]

thanks rita....talking to you has helped a little

im told im strong but at the moment im weak....but im sure ill come

i know id love to meet him one day in the future....but dont think thats ever going to happen so no choice but to live with it now and everything else thats wrong in my life

[Lucky Kitten]

[Mistress]

thanks hun

im doing the smile thing at the moment...or trying to stop the pain

[Lucky Kitten]

i wish i could be of more help sweety

right now i am having some lil troubles of my own, trivial compared to yours, but just enough to throw me off

things will get better with time, seems they always do

[Mistress]

*hugs* whats up huni?


ill cope....i dont think ive got any other option but today has been hellish and just got worse when i got home and i dont know what to do about something either

btw hun....if you ever need to talk you can catch me on aim

[Lucky Kitten]

thanks honey

i dont know if its my pills or what, but i cant control my emotions lately, crying for seemingly no reason and then hours later happy again.

plus, called my cable company and they wont change my ip cause its against policy now. i think its because of all the terrorist shit over the past couple years. im so pissed with cablevision right now.

what happened when you got home to make things worse? you can find me on aim or yahoo or msn if you need me, im normally logged into one of them. you can email or pm me any time too sweety.

[Mistress]

*hugs* thanks for the chat hun it helped a lot and hope you are ok now

[Lucky Kitten]

*hugs* im doing better sweety

it was fun chatting with you today, thanks ;D

[Mistress]

*hugs* im glad you are better

ive had an ok day but had to explain difficult stuff to someone which i didnt want to do